this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
