my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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