"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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