i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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