I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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