He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
