Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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