i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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