1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
