no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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