I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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