Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
