Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I lost the right to judge tonight
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
