Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
