I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
