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i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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