Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm both gender and math confused
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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