is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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