I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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