piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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