: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize