one might say we're banned from that church
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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