Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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