So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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