I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
