He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
