Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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