Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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