I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he thought i was a dude.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
