I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
