my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
