oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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