i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
