she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
zippers are such a cool invention
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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