I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
