Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
