people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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