I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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