oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
