Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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