i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
