apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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