It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
