When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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