I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
