Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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