The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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