my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
