Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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