This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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