yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
