mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
