what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
