if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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