Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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