Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
