just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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