You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
