just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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