then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
