you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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