I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize