i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
