I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
