Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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