Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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