am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
