Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
