My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
