Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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