I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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