after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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